alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
I made cookies! Yay! Aaaaugh my brain! But, yay cookies!

(Food, recipes, holiday making, family angst, arguing with my own brain…)

Continuing to experiment with adding flavors to / making small substitutions in my basic shortbread recipe, which I love because finding that recipe taught me that I could make cookies that I actually understood; the rations, the chemistry, the physics, what happens if they if the butter is too warm or the cookie is too thin all make sense to me. (It’s 3 parts flour, 2 parts sugar, 1 part butter.) My sister is of the opinion that I should use a more forgiving base recipe to mess around with.

I admit that there is no improving on good traditional shortbread. As soon as other things are mixed in, save for perhaps the simplest herb flavors, the subtle buttery quality and the purity of the sweet fresh-baked aroma are lost. But the thing about shortbread is that no matter how much additions and variations damage the appearance and texture of the cookie, I’ll always be willing to eat it as long as it isn’t actually charcoal. That matters. So doe my sense that I understand how it works.

I made chocolate almond shortbread and orange mint shortbread, just throwing together interesting flavorings I had on hand. I really like the results. They taste sooooo gooood to me and I need to eat some vegetables because I can *feel* myself shifting body chemistry in a problematic way.

I liked them, but that’s never the issue. I can always mix together flavors in a way that *I* like. I just really never know if my “yum” is going to appeal to someone else or not. And now half of the household is napping…sigh.

I guess I’m coming down from a bit of a high point (sugar high?) and need to watch that I stay in a sort of moderate space instead of catastrophizing. It’s hard not to think everything is SO IMPORTANT when these holidays with these people in this house is an increasing rarity. Even something that might not reoccur in this configuration any more. But. That would be missing the point, which is that we are spending simple, low-key time with each other, doing the things that are special because we’ve done them over and over and/or because they make each other happy and pleased and warma nd loved. And. Oh, my gods, I’m going to cry and I don’t know if it’s because I’m happy or sad. I miss S. I miss A. I want to push a pause button on all of my friends and relatives when I’m not around them just so I don’t miss all the important things in their lives and I feel like no matter what I do time is passing and taking important people along for a ride and I don’t really like this ride but I don’t want to miss out on the unexpected wonderful surprises anyway and. I just. This is a good Christmas, it’s okay to just enjoy it, fun isn’t fun if I feel like I have to have it. And I made experimental cookies because I wanted to goof around and be quirky and having them turn out a little odd was part of the plan, why is this hard. Aaaaaaaaaaah brain.

But … my familieses, they are eating my cookies. Yay?
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alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)

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