alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
[personal profile] alatefeline
I’ve had a difficult day so far. (grief, death of a loved one, altered states of consciousness, minor injury) From waking up early with yesterday missing to long exhausted sleep and the whole past week refusing to sort itself calendrically in my mind. Through a lot of crying and some screaming. Choosing a surreal and difficult book to read, and having a surreal and difficult conversation I wouldn’t have chosen. Bad news in the mail and more paperwork piling up. Dizziness, and not wanting to take my meds because I know I need *some* of the insight that’s *harder* to reach when I take them, and taking them anyway because of knowing I need to because insight does fuckall good when I can’t function.

And of course remembering my uncle dying and knowing that he is still dead—

The necklace I ordered from kyleri when I at the lodge and thinking about gifts for people and realizing I probably needed one for myself—well. The necklace came. That was good. I needed to touch and hold something that came from a friend. I’m wearing it right now, and thinking about the name of the piece, which resonates a lot. See title. It is very beautiful.

(Pics/desc maybe to follow—?)

Reflecting on the fact that in addition to being necessary, fighting with the paperwork on taxes and insurance is a form of the terribly unfun sort of self-care that I’m *not* emotionally motivated to do *merely* because it is wise or productive however much I wish I was so motivated. However, knowing that doing that work is a way of standing up and spitting defiance in the eye of the people and the Powers that want me and mine dead and defeated, yes, that is one hell of a motivation to take care of my household’s health and finances.

I think I’ve walked around backwards enough, and gone in and out of behavioral loops and bled from itching insect bites and ate and drank things that weren’t the best plan except that I needed to let myself go, and I’ve cried and screamed. Time to get my head on straight for awhile, time to walk the other branch of the double spiral, all things going inward outward, grieving by doing things being no less or more than grieving by not-doing. Which means, if I need to do some sensible things, it is time, sensibly, to rest awhile.

(Post date and activities referenced not necessarily in chronological order—)

Date: 1 Jul 2017 21:30 (UTC)
thnidu: Double spiral, spinning out from the empty space at a common center (heyiya-if)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
In response to your last paragraph about things:

Yes, by all means. You did what you needed to do, walking the Sky. Now it is time to straighten your head and walk the Earth path of the heyiya-if.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 01:13 (UTC)
thnidu: A propellor beanie with an icebag. Smoffing the Filkers, http://bit.ly/eNgQ0T (fanac)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
I'm very glad that spoke to you as I hoped it would.

"Found" your reference? I knew it. I've been reading sf almost since I could read, and I'm closer to seventy than sixty. Le Guin is one of my spiritual parents— she doesn't know it, of course*— and I've read and reread Always Coming Home many times. ... Hmm, maybe I'll start another reread tonight.

* Many years ago I wrote a poem and sent it to her as a gift on the Spring Equinox. I began that calligraphed letter "Tonight the people of the Na Valley, wherever they are, are dancing the World." The poem:
In Three Syllables
(© thnidu)

Little Bear Woman,
Given All Gifts,
they are both with us,
hiding their names
in three syllables.

Left arm & right arm,
what's at the hinge?
The hole in the air,
become a well.
I drew the ampersand to resemble the heyiya-if.

She wrote back with a postcard, "It's good to be understood."

Edited Date: 2 Jul 2017 01:15 (UTC)

Date: 2 Jul 2017 02:39 (UTC)
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
From: [personal profile] mdlbear
Thank you! Almost missed the reference -- it's been way too long, and my copy is in a box somewhere.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 04:02 (UTC)
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
From: [personal profile] mdlbear
*hug*

The first of our storage pods gets delivered Thursday, I believe. Colleen and I are moving on Wednesday the 12th. It probably will be around the end of the month that we get the last of the three pods unpacked.

Date: 1 Jul 2017 21:32 (UTC)
alexseanchai: Blue and purple lightning (Default)
From: [personal profile] alexseanchai
*hugs?*

Date: 1 Jul 2017 22:03 (UTC)
kyleri: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kyleri
I'm so glad the necklace is helping. I'm extra glad it went to you, cos I like you

Date: 2 Jul 2017 02:40 (UTC)
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
From: [personal profile] mdlbear
Your necklaces are gorgeous, and so are their names, even though I can rarely manage to make the connection between the two.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 18:19 (UTC)
kyleri: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kyleri
Thank you!

Pretty often there isn't a connection, or if there is it's weird & depends on things in my brain to make any sense, so it ain't just you.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 18:53 (UTC)
kyleri: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kyleri
Thank you!

I've been trying to pick names from, well, anything that I feel could support the Resistance. Which I've made into a pretty broad category. Just encouraging stuff, yanno?

Date: 2 Jul 2017 19:35 (UTC)
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
From: [personal profile] mdlbear
Good to know. My brain is sufficiently far out of alignment with the rest of the world that I'm never quite sure. I've been known to miss stuff that was really obvious to everyone else.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 20:25 (UTC)
kyleri: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kyleri
This is also true of me, & given my reading of your journal, I suspect that your brain & my brain, while out of alignment with most of the world, are reasonably in the same vicinity as each other.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 20:48 (UTC)
kyleri: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kyleri
I think that both of these things are true, & that they are both very good things.

Date: 1 Jul 2017 22:14 (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Picture of two cats lying back-to-back with two black spots connecting to make a heart. (E: Heart)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
*good thoughts*

Date: 2 Jul 2017 00:10 (UTC)
vladdraculea: Photo of two flower pots with a variety of little flowers (Vlad)
From: [personal profile] vladdraculea
💜

— Vlad (& Ben)

Date: 2 Jul 2017 00:24 (UTC)
From: [personal profile] chalcedony_px4

(±) *gentle little rars, trying to exemplify the idea of Kind Defiance somehow*

*chirring*

Date: 2 Jul 2017 19:16 (UTC)
jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
From: [personal profile] jewelfox
Gentle rars are the best.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 12:01 (UTC)
leecetheartist: A lime green dragon head, with twin horns, and red trim. Very gentle looking, with a couple spirals of smoke from nose. (Default)
From: [personal profile] leecetheartist
Strength and purple cloud fluffy hugs to you.

Date: 2 Jul 2017 19:16 (UTC)
jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
From: [personal profile] jewelfox
Please, get lots of rest.

Kindness will always be an act of resistance, when the thing to be resisted is unkindness.

Profile

alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
alatefeline

July 2017

S M T W T F S
       1
2 3 45 6 78
9101112 13 14 15
16 17 18 1920 21 22
23242526272829
3031     

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated 23 July 2017 22:51
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios