alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
(Content Note: Please, please feel free to skip if another sad person who's well off in some ways being sad-but-determined isn't what you need to be reading right now. I recommend finding some fuzzy bunnies.)

Today I:

Read more... )
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Grapes and figs and apples and berries fruiting in my neighborhood.

Feeling well enough physically to go do things outside. Feeling better mentally after going outside.

A long walk and a quick bus ride.

Photographs of bunnies courtesy of https://kaberabbits.tumblr.com/.

A cool breeze. The weather generally relenting a bit.

Views of Mt. Hood from the slopes of Mt. Tabor.

An enormous fallen tree covered in moss and the saplings growing out of it.

Getting my brain to be a notch or two quieter by writing and walking.

Sitting in the sunshine surrounded by tall grass and listening to birds and squirrels.

Taking photographs of assorted trees and flowers.

My stuffed animal friend Bunbun that I have had since I was born. (Technically before. Bunbun was given to my mom at a baby shower while she was pregnant with me.)

A shower.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Air conditioning. Running water. Freezers. Water bottles.

Food I can eat. Fresh fruit in particular.

Medication that helps me breathe and medication that helps me remember why.

Friends I can spend time with. Thank you.

The ability to buy a cold drink and a snack (and an excuse to sit in air conditioning).

Bookstores. Clever new (and old!) sf&f books that interrogate the problems of the genre with deep love and rightful anger and snarky humor. Used books. Sale books. Read-it-all-and-put-it-back-but-I’m-gonna-need-to-buy-a-copy-to-re-read books.

Instant access to information and communication via the Internet.

Trees. Thank you, trees.

Pillows.

Ceiling fan.

Views of the sun and the moon, however, hazy.

Things that smell of mint (or catnip!)

The coffee ice cubes turning out to be tasty.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I think I will go curl up in a corner at the home of a friend with air conditioning. Or the bookstore. It's okay now, but the hazy smoke from forest fires affecting air quality is gonna get worse and the heat is going to be record-breaking. Can't even *go* places to beat the heat because it's too hot and smoky.

I know I know it could be worse. I could be in the hospital because of the smoke, or trying to cope without even an apartment to stay at, or much more sensitive to heat than I am, or living someplace much hotter, or in one of the places actually on fire, or or or... This still sucks!

ETA: I can taste the smoke in the back of my throat though it's still only 85. Going down the street to the grocery and bookstore; will be out indefinitely. Bringing compy obvs.

ETAA: I can handle the heat but not the CAN'T BREATHE gods. Considering falling asleep in a corner between bookshelves in the air conditioned store. Even if everyone else from MTG night who was interested bails I'm driving up Mt. Hood tomorrow. This is NOPE.

*gives everybody limeade and wet handkerchiefs*
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
yay I have survived day 1 of Over 100 Degrees Fahrenheit Without AC

mostly by being Not at Apartment

it is now less than 95 I feel so comfy

(send ice cubes)

ETA:

Me: contemplates kitchen which is at least kept up with dishes but otherwise feh and decides nope not cooking a thing
Next Me: eats a cereal thing for dinner
Still Me: notices recent-ish pot of coffee gone cold
Also Me: notices emptied ice-cube tray
Madscientist Me: I WILL MAKE COFFEE ICE CUBES FOR TOMORROW
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
It hot. I flopcat.

I ate a food and stuff. I did a paperwork that involved an out. Then I crashed. Now I will try to maybe do a few things to help cool off.

Water good.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Today's gratitudes:

Friends. I'm terrified to admit it, but I have an online community I turn to for support, a family that appreciates me, local folks to hang out with - yay! - which is really strange, interests that help me to interact socially, a fair grasp of what I want and need relationshipwise and a good chunk of it already happening, some peers I like at my job, and a chance at not completely sucking at all of that.

Liminal spaces. I walked across a bridge that is currently closed and a construction site because they are rebuilding it. I stood in the exact middle of the closed highway at the high point of the bridge, in the sun and wind and strangeness of it all, and took pictures of the river and the distant Mt. Hood. I saw exposed metal grids and bizarre pipes and joins being installed and slabs of wood and rusty bolts apparently uninstalled. I collected scraps of metal. I mean to send them, at least some, to [personal profile] kyleri to make shiny things out of them! (If you haven't yet, and you like hand crafted jewelry and/or crap free body products, check out [personal profile] kyleri's website, http://thevagabondtabby.com/ and if you want a picture description for anything I will provide...) I went up and down two sidewalk Bridges to Nowhere littered with sad and awful trash to get between diverging lanes as what seemed like the far side of the bridge, but wasn't, as the wide roadway heaved itself up and over the railroad tracks and fell down into the withering industrial southeast riverside under the hot sun.

Swearing, brainweasel bait: Read more... )

The opportunities I've had of late to geek out, particularly including talking writing with [personal profile] alexseanchai, theology with offline friend ALB, and Magic: the Gathering with my partner S.

Wifi in coffee shops. And iced minty green tea.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I recycled some papers I needed to get rid of.

I will see some people I like tonight... and... I saw two(ish) new friends yesterday.

I got new books yesterday.

The sun shining.

Water.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I don't know how to fix this.

It's almost worse that I almost, almost have myself together, but I don't quite - not to where I can really just get through the stuff I need to get through readily, or feel like there's extra energy there that I don't urgently need to use on things if I could just make myself do them. I don't have an excuse, and I don't have a plan.

The world has so many people doing terrible things.

ETA: Will hang in there. Did some things. Tomorrow will do different things. Always trying to be kind.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Today I am grateful for:

- rereading the Toby Daye books

- lots of new nonfiction books

- coffee, meds, food I know is okay, sunlight, naps, all the things that help me feel functional

- shiny objects like metal washers that are just there waiting for someone to pick them up and polish them and make treasures

- a partner who loves me and pets me when I just want to lie there and be a flat cat

Slight case of brainweasels and fwump: Read more... )
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Paperwork headdesking: a simplified transcript.

Warnings for major complications of the 'bureaucracy is literally trying to kill you' sort, systemic transmisia & ableism & classism, capitalism devouring its young.

Read more... )

FUCK FUCK FUCK. *sound effects of smashing things, ripping with vicious claws*

I'm going out. *doorslam*

ETA: I did indeed go out and that was good. I went swimming in a river! And other things have come along that need dealt with, sigh. Thank you for all the support, both those of you who have commented and anyone reading and well-wishing later. I may close comments here shortly because I need to move on mentally; we'll see. <3
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
got sucked into computerland for a bit

going for a walk

will check things when I get back
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Petted FOUR cats on neighborhood walk this morning. Porch Cat, Calico Neighbor Cat, the little bitty mostly-white calico who seems to be their neighbor and rival, and a black and slightly-tuxedo cat out for a walk with his person.

Did a bit of chores of the paperwork-y sort, and communicated reasonably well with S about chores’n’stuff.

Sent my sibling B a picture of me with my genderqueer-flag-striped cat-face button!

Today met up with the excellent [personal profile] kengr at Powell’s City of Books in the afternoon. We had a great conversation. Hooray for people I like to talk to actually living somewhere nearish! Did not buy ALL the things though I was tempted. Also I got a couple of books by C.J. Cherryh, who is a very good writer. Mwahahaha.

Had a great walk. [Content note: Exercise, food, brain weirdness, body weirdness] Read more... )

Found some things that might could be useful while walking. Made tentative plans/options for hopefully-productive tomorrow.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Things which have, today, delighted me:

Improvements in my overall mental and physical functioning of late; most especially, the energy to do small practical things and random acts of kindness without nearly always stalling out somewhere between the idea and the result.

People being happy about things I have said and done for them or for the world in general: an online friend who got a package, a physical-space neighbor who is possibly on the way to being an actual friendly acquaintance, a partner who gave & got help, listening, and smiles, a passerby who called us superheroes for putting out a smoldering leaf pile where someone had tossed a cigarette.

Petting numerous cats. So many! So fluffy! So purr! 3 of 4 cat sightings successfully negotiated to pets on my morning walk, plus 1 kitty this evening on the way back from the car. Cats yesterday, too!

Our garden plot. The shade of the central fig tree is extraordinarily peaceful. In various plots, there are strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries in some stage of bearing fruit. In our plot, we have lots of herbs, lots of things growing that aren’t harvestable at the moment, and a tremendous bumper crop of green beans! I am managing - so far - to handle totally-reasonable-in-origin worries about watering enough, weeding enough, and logging required community service hours despite the entirely unreasonable level of anxiety the provoke. With the rich compost that I nurtured on my shovel and the herbs that I grew in my mouth and the sun on my back and the wind on my face, it’s pretty doable.

Dreamwidth, and the community I find there. Thanks.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
You can call me alatefeline.

More detailed rambling about name and pronouns and gender feels below. Read more... )

I was going to write about 3 sentences to try and update and streamline my sticky post. Ha. Ha. Ha. I love you, folks. If you’ve read this far you get a virtual cookie.

ETA: Also please feel free to comment here, or on another post/comment from me, or message me, whenever, regarding any identity/name/pronoun stuffs you want me to do differently/better for you!!!
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I have successfully made a Very Scary phone call. Yes. Read more... )
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
today walked to laurelhurst park, yesterday late to mt tabor

Afternoon:

Sunlight.

Flowers. Many flowers—

Pond. Ripples. Reflected trees. Duck.

Stop to rest—

Leathery shiny magnolia leaves. Cottonwood fluff. Buckshorn plantain stems to weave.

Evening:

Lavender scent and sticky resin. Globe alium in bud, bouncy texture like a kooshball covered in beads. Rhythmic tapping of running hand along a wrought iron fence.

Sunset at the reservoir. Purple fading clouds. Wind in tall grass and clover and weeds. Gray gritty graveled path. Pink-purple-gray reflection on the reservoir water still, and the greeny darkness of pine trees on the ridge. A cool breeze on a warm day; the open air in a high place.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Complaining catperson complaining about things that could be worse, feel free to skip.

...

...

...

Body weirdness, brain weirdness, food issues, stress. Read more... )

(No thank you for 'have you tried this' type advice; sympathy welcome.)

I am going to hydrate with lots lots water and put Moana on (if I can figure out Netflix) and/or maybe soothing music, and set and alarm for tomorrow morning, and NOT do chores that require leaving my apartment for more than 5-minutes-ish. Because seriously f**k this.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Getting chores done.

Pleasant interactions with S in the evening, and getting to bed on time.

Smells of berries and apples.

The opportunity to take a shower.

Feeling okay at a range of temperatures.

(I'm annoyed at Things and ouchy and tired but I'm not going to let that stop me.)

Oh, and S made coffee yay!

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alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
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