alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
home safe* in Portland now

*(for values of ‘safe’ which include ‘while not personally and immediately menaced at this time, live in a dystopian country run by fascists and could therefore be in terrible trouble at a moment’s notice’)

good weekend

thank you hosts, thank you filkers, thank you friends, thank you fandom

very tired, work tomorrow, will update again when awake and have words

Have new sign off (thank you m'lady of filksign):

Remember: Resist.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
To everyone who was confused or surprised by where I am this weekend, my apologies. Next time I will try to provide more information before I go someplace that I might well run into some people I know on here. If I’ve failed to connect your face, your face name, and your online presence, my apologies; it takes a minimum of six or seven distinct interactions before I manage to start reliably linking any of that together. It also helps if I manage to know what my actual plans for going to and staying at a place are before I get there. *facepalm*
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
If you've been reading and commenting for awhile, I probably consider you a friend.

(If you've just started reading my journal in the last day or week or month, I hope we become friends.)

If you are or will be in the vicinity of Portland, OR, USA and want to interact, please drop me a comment or a message here on DW. I'm not *great* at people but y'all are definitely worth trying for.

alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
In this entry, I process some bad news about family. Content warnings: illness, dementia, coming to terms with death. I will go on myself, but hugs are appreciated. Read more... )
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
At the moment, I am grateful for numerous things.

Cool people to hang out with, online and offline, who have enough in common with me to be empathetic and enough differences from me to be exciting. A broad, variable band that partly depends on how far *they* will push their comfort zone and how far *I* will, but one that does exist and is significant. Also, the fact that I explicitly chose, and pushed myself, and asked for help in achieving, and was aware of strategies for, getting to know the communities (DW, gaming group, etc) and modes of social interaction that are currently happening in my life; I did the work and it is mostly working.

Kittycat socks.

Noms and sips. Physical self-care. Movement practice. Read more... )

Plans that capitalize on rather than trying to get around my preference for having functional routines.

Stories and poems and songs, oh my!
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I made cookies! Yay! Aaaaugh my brain! But, yay cookies!

(Food, recipes, holiday making, family angst, arguing with my own brain…)

Read more... )
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Long Night here. (Long day in the southern hemisphere.)

Grateful for you all.

Yule Blessings; may the coming year hold much of cheer, may the sun come around again with us all wiser but not too much sadder. Happy early Christmas, or Chanukah, or any holiday you celebrate. If it is Summer Solstice for you, enjoy the turn towards Fall. If it is Winter, as it is for me, then I hope your skies are clear and that you have the chance to (literally or figurateively) light a beacon, see the stars bright in the greater Night, sing a round, plant a seed for the coming Spring.

It's cold and dark out there; I'm so glad we have each other. Friends, kinfolk, strangers chance met, even enemies if you will put enmity aside. You are welcome by my fireside.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
At the moment I am grateful for:

Finding a place to go. Hanging in there. Surviving fear. Being stubborn. Caring.

Also for pagan carols, authors writing busily away, recycled paper bags on which I can make art, the fact that I washed the dishes, my loves and friends and family and friendly acquaintances and colleagues and mentors and kin, past and present and future, and the mad determination to keep the holidays whatever happens.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I got to pet SEVEN cats today. And to visually admire three more. KITTTIES!!!

Four cats on our morning walk. One was Neighbor Calico Cat. She was missing last week and she found her way home and is well and friendly and likes to trill at people until they pet her! One was Porch Cat. He sat in my lap and smooshed his head into my chest and purred at me and mwrowped when I had to put him back in his cat bed on the porch. One was a gray Persian mix (I think; he had the wrinkled-y skin and slightly curly long hair, but not the face) who dropped by on the sidewalk and gently bit my hand to critique my petting efforts but also purred at me. One was a plump orange tabby-pattern with the extra-furry cheeks like a lynx; he chewed on some yard plants instead while I was petting him. I think I may have met both of them before, but I'm not sure.

Two cats on the way over to a friend's place. One was a black cat sitting and watching her humans wash a car. She came over to say hi. One was a dark gray tabby-pattern sitting on top of a car. He deigned to descend as far as the back of the car to be petted.

One at AT said friend's place. He is gray with a white nose blaze and tummy and paws, he is an incredibly soft and fluffy longhair, he has a little bowtie on his collar, and he likes to sit on his cat-tree and dangle a paw over the edge. SOOOO FLUFFY.

...Oh, yeah, I was brave and socially competent and went to game day at M&AA's apartment and positively interacted with humans and played games. BUT ALSO THERE WERE KITTIES!
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I'm thankful for you.

I'm thankful for the teachers who first gave me *real* history books to read. This USA holiday celebrates colonialist narratives that erase the genocide of Native Americans in favor of a caricature of everyone getting along, as well as some problematic. For all that, I'll still keep the holiday today, because it *also* means connecting to family, honoring the harvest of the land, and renewing traditions that help keep a warm light going during cold dark times.

I'm thankful for electric lights, a roof over my head in the rain, toothpaste and toothbrush, food to eat, clean water to drink, a bed with blankets to sleep warm, a heating pad to put on things that hurt, functional public transit, a personal support network that *can* cushion a crisis or an emergency, a computer and a phone that work, music to listen to and art to admire and stories to read.

I'm thankful that I'm not dealing with the terror of fascists running the USA alone.

I'm thankful that I am *able* to give thanks today. And I will give sweat and tears and blood to maximize the number of the folks I care for who are able to do it again in a year.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
major venting with attached anxiety and social issues, my anxiety-triggers e.g. people, phone, money, paperwork, chores, malfunctions, adulting, failing to adult, anxiety-fueled poor choices Read more... )

ETA: If you want to help please send cat pictures or similar.

ETA Again: Read more... )

Also, y'all are awesome. So many kitty pictures and kind words, I cannot even begin to thank you enough. The world is so awful lately and I am flat out of good responses but you remind me that it is worth resting and breathing and trying to FIND some. Thank you. THANK YOU.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I am heading to Orycon now, if anyone would like to meet up. I'll be at mdlbear's concert at 1pm Sat, and around the rest of Sat, and I'll be back Sun. Please feel free to reply, and/or PM me if you want my wallet name / physical description. I'm wearing cat ears, a rainbow cap, a dinosaur T-shirt and a plaid long-sleeve shirt at the moment. :D

ETA: Everyone who likes fandom and/or music should listen to the shiny shiny filk people who were there. And watch [personal profile] solarbird perform live in stompy kaiju slippers, this is AMAAAAAZE.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
So...I'm really not okay now. But I shall be ... enough to be going on with.

CW: bad brain, self-harm, strong language Read more... )

I'm choosing to focus on things I'm grateful for anyway.

CW: food, interpersonal dynamics, healthcare mentions Read more... )

In conclusion, please, give someone a little love tonight, whether that is you or your pet, the family you choose or the community that calls to you, someone online or someone offline, a friend or a stranger.

And know that I am grateful for you. Even if you've never commented, I am grateful that people care enough to read this; I write it first for me, second for the people I talk to, but thirdly, for anyone who may someday stumble on it and nod and say, "Oh, okay, that's a thing that happens." Which - it is. Whatever strange experience you have had, is valid. Whatever story you have to tell, is worth telling. Whatever emotion you feel, is important. Whatever choice you make, matters. Whatever cause you stand up for, matters, even if we never see how or why.

The person who invented the hand-ax never saw a computer. And neither did her friend who told her, "Hey, it's okay, I really liked that one you made a few days ago, keep trying." And I know that person existed. I know that someone was there to hear, as well as tell, the first stories. To grind the pigments for the first communal cave painting. To bring water, maybe in cupped hands or hollow shells or a leaf basket breaking as it was used, to the mouth of the child who would grow up to build the first ceramic pot. So if you have encouraged someone - your loves, your passing acquaintances, even yourself - and told them not to give up, you are as heroic in my books as the people who kept the first hearth burning. Because that, my friends, *is* keeping the flame alive.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Today I am grateful for:
…A being amazing
…S being superb
…days off that include pancakes
…benches near gardens and sunshine
…cozy warm blankets and lots of sleep

Also for:
…OTC decongestants

NOT for:
…sinus infections
…working myself too hard
…extra helpings of near-meltdown over breakfast

Looking forward to:
…herbal tea
…more sleep
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Arrival. At last. Awkward. Awesome. Antlers.
Birds. Barnacles. Beginnings. Backtracking.
Creek. Coast. Coffee. Conversation. Comparisons.
Departures. Differences. Driving. Dogs. Driftwood.
Forest. Fog. Family.
Gas stations. Greetings. Gulls. Green land. Golden light. Grilled cheese.
Haystock Rock. Hera of my heart. Hugs.
Interesting. Intriguing.
Lunch. Looming landscape.
Mist. Morning. Mussel shell. Mystery.
Not sure. Necessary. Novelty. Nuance.
Ocean. Outdoors. Out of bounds.
Paths. Pelicans. Petting. Photography.
Questions. Queerness.
Rain. Route. Road. River. Running.
Sand. Surf. Seaside. Shells. Sand dollars. Splash. Swim. Sunset. Sunburn (ouch).
Tide. Tidal pools. Tourist town. Tsunami evacuation route. Trees.
Walking. Wading. Wet.
Yawns. Yards. Yearning. Yes.
Zephyrs. Zoonosis (hopefully not). Zest for life.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
If you EVER listen to music go listen to this, it is THE AMAZE.

"The future has a place--"
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Trigger warning: violent death, intersecting systemic injustices Read more... )

PS: This is a rough response. Please, if there are important new stories I've missed, feel free toa dd links. (There are so many.)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
After a conversation on writing, and some thoughts I've had recently about time management, prioritizing, and making room for joy, I've decided that it would be a good idea to update at least once a week in the form of either a poem or a piece of fiction writing in progress. Thus, a part of my day today, in a haiku chain.

*** Gardening Poem ***

Weeds always come back.
A tree of thorns erupts from
under the chain fence.

Sun always comes back.
Three-prong fork scratches the dust
of dry brown mudstone.

Rain always comes back.
Today, water rolls off, oozes,
gone; but soon clouds come.

Decay comes back too.
A centipede, crawling, twine
left buried, forgotten.

Life always comes back.
Seeds, care, time, air, work, luck, earth,
life in the garden.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Buh. Bzuh. Tired. Left house at 11, back now at 4:15. Spent day gardening. Much help from lovely S. Went to garden store for more gloves and trash bags, to home & garden repair store to rent string trimmer, grabbed snack. Went to garden plot at community garden. Yanked and cut weeds. Tied up berry canes trailing into garden plot. THORNS. Yanked and cut weeds. Ate cloudberries. Tried to make trimmer work. Got it working for less than two minutes. VINES. Unwisely switched trimmer off. Was unable to get back on; very frustrating. Yanked and cut weeds. S returned trimmer to rental place. Yanked and cut weeds. SMELLY WEEDS. Spoke to parks and rec staff member trimming public area; got assist trimming paths. Cleared off path. Yanked and cut weeds; piled on path. S returned. Bagged up weeds. Three super size trash bags plus, and the first bag broke. Put tools away. Took weeds in car to dumpster. Garden is now at a normal instead of terrifying level of weeds. Still need to mulch paths, turn over soil, clear some crops, plant for fall, all within less than two weeks and ideally before school gets started, to be in compliance with garden standards. But did biggest things: bureaucracy and weeds of doom. Take that anxiety monster. Ha. WE HAVE GARDENED.


alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)

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