alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I'm pansexual. And poly. And autistic, which matters, because I process romance and attraction differently because I process everything involving people differently.

I also think more like (my mental construct of) a cat than I do like (my mental construct of) a generic neurotypical human in my society.

I'm genderqueer. I use they pronouns for myself when with friends. I'm not out as genderqueer at work because people are having a hard enough time with reconciling their mental concepts of me-as-autistic and me-as-competent-human-being. I'm out as queer basically everywhere because I am privileged enough to have a liberal family background, and live in Portland, OR, and be white, a young adult, and not visibly disabled.

I have lots more Words, but not the energy to Explain right now. But I wanted to participate in the whole Coming Out Day thing.

(PS: You don't have to come out if you don't want to. Or if it's not safe. Or if you've already done it 500 times and just don't wanna again. But if you want to there are sparkly rainbow balloons and people who want to chill with you and cheer you on. In fact, whether you are queer or straight or some other option, out or closeted or whatever, here, have a balloon. It's shiny.)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
AI teaches itself to walk, run, jump inside a physics simulation. Comes up with a flappy runny sometimes-sideways walking style. Looks inefficient to many self-appointed experts. Works well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn4nRCC9TwQ

I am feeling my robot side today. And angry that people have a problem with flappy arm running.

*zoom*

EDIT: Note to self: Write a proper video transcript/descript to share, darn it!
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
More good things. (Because they are good, and because I’m still upset and need the discipline of identifying positives.) Read more... )

Many good things, yes, and one is having time to be here!
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Pride isn't just a celebration. It is that and that is important. But it's also a lifeline to young queer kids. It's a protest and a form of action and so many other things.

https://fontfolly.net/2017/06/20/gay-it-forward/

Whether you are queer yourself or (hopefully!) an ally to queerfolk, please look up your local pride event. Or Google "queer homeless teens." Or "black trans lives matter" or "Two Spirit Native lgbtqia+"... Support as you can.

And remember: survival is resistance.

ETA: Also: There is no one right way to Pride

http://www.robot-hugs.com/pride-2017/

(Comic Transcript linked at bottom of comic now)

You matter. THANK YOU.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
yes I am going to portland pride probably today and tomorrow

I have decided I will top off whatever comfy clothes I end up wearing with scarf layers in purple white and green, because

when exactly will depend on scheduley things like partner getting her meds and also how much my shoulder is hassling me today etc

if we know each other and you are in Portland please feel free to PM me for my phone number for texts; however I may well be too overwhelmed to actually check it once I leave the apartment so caution is advised

i will drop by dw sometime tonight and tomorrow night so folks know I am still here
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
So I communicated and people were awesome and A Plan was made and an outing happened and it was really really good and I gauged my time and energy well and was barely anxious while out and about and am back now and have some peace and WHY AM I EMOTIONS AAAAAAAAH.

Read more... )
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
On Friday I went and played some Magic: The Gathering at a gaming store. Now this game is fun in its own right but it is also an addictive, wallet-devouring, commercial machine, like so many fan activities. But the people can be fun. I gravitated to the femme and/or female folk present (likeyado, when you are potentially going to be Guyed at otherwise) and tested the waters by mentioning I was going to Pride the following day, and got positive reactions. Also a spontaneous hug request from someone there for a completely different game who liked my hat. That was fun.

On Saturday I went to Pride. Since the organized public geek and queer communities are both larger and more accepted here than in KC, there might be less overlap, but I definitely was not the only person wearing ears, which I count as at least marginally geektastic whatever else it may be. In addition to what I have posted about, I got to give some honest compliments and have them accepted (I think) as actual compliments on the fabulousness of attire rather than disguised come-ons or one-upmanship, which is an experience sadly lacking in the mainstream social groups I've encountered.

On Sunday I stayed in. I did NOT do things. I was a pretty flattened cat. Please don't mistake me for someone who normally has A Social Life. But I did post online, and an awesome person (Ysabetwordsmith) wrote a poem in part from one of my prompts, and I also poem'd, and that was good too.

On Monday I watched an episode - two, really - of Doctor Who with some other fans at a fish and chip shop here in Portland. The meetup has grown so much the organizers need to find a larger bar at which to have the screenings. I shared some fannish discussion with people I'd met at a previous go round, so I get my personal brownie points for officially Trying To Make Friends.

On Tuesday, I will do something, but I am not sure what yet. But it will be cool.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
Good Things About Pride

(Note: I also wrote a "bad things" half and want to acknowledge that, but I chose to post the positives first.)

* Solidarity, visibility, community, identity.

* Lots of compliments on my outfit. The cat ears got the most compliments, trailed by my malachite necklace, my rainbow hair ties, and a sign I picked up partway through.

* Knowing that anxiety (within certain bounds of severity and predictability) simply is not a reason to not do things. (I’d be doing a different calculation if I thought I would be looking at a serious probability of a panic attack, for example.) But knowing that I will be overwhelmed, on edge, nervous, stuttering, worn out afterwards, etc, etc doesn’t actually have to stop me from doing something I want to do and it doesn’t necessarily make the good parts not-good either. Knowing that is powerful.

* Networking; connecting to organizations that are doing things I am interested in. Finding out that organizations I would want to support and hadn’t heard of exist. Noticing the diversity of race, language, age, family status, faith, disability status, gender, gender expression, etc, etc, in our community. Finding organizations that specifically center and support some of these. People being proud to be both-and.

* People bringing their own dang mobility and accessibility items (canes, sound-canceling headphones, strollers for kids, wheelchairs) and adding rainbows.

* Pride bracelets.

* Competent first aid that let me just sit and breathe for awhile when I expressed that that was what I needed.

* Good conversations and interactions with a lot of people, including a lot of people from different intersectional areas of the queer community than my particular pigeonhole. Valuing positive interactions in their own right, rather than conceptualizing them as requiring a particular kind of set-up or follow-up.

* Having people ask respectfully and answer thoughtfully to questions like “Can I give you a hug?”, “Can I pet your ears?”, “Can I say hi to the animal with you?”, “Can I get one of these items?”

* Donation-centric funding allowing people to pay in accordance with their means.

* Getting a hug from a Captain America cosplayer carrying a rainbow U.S. flag.

* A song about living beyond borders and fear sung on the main stage by a performer in gorgeous full drag. ASL interpretation of the music and live acts on the main stage.

* Lots of dogs, mostly with rainbow accessories.

* Feeling like it matters that I showed up.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
I am grateful for unnecessary merchandise with Pride rainbows on it, even though I have a lot of complicated feelings and pointed opinions about this at the same time.

I am grateful that, by dint of semi-accidentally missing a dose of my meds on a day when this *did not matter* to work or other major commitments, I actually got several extra hours of sleep and the muscle-tension-related pain in my jaw and shoulder went away for awhile. Even though this is technically a bad idea in the sense of practicing appropriate medical caution. I am also grateful that I *know* the side effects from just one missed dose will be negligible for me as long as I don't load on additional stress 2 days from now when I will feel sad and I don't miss another dose and start experiencing dizziness, provided you are willing to count very sleepy as a negligible side effect.

I am grateful for coffee and the moment when the world slides into focus, even though I actually wish I wasn't addicted to coffee.

(Ugh, I don't like the "even though" trend here.)

I am grateful for the opportunity to pet a fluffy golden-brown and white probably-collie-mix dog with beautiful expressive eyes, who wagged a lot and tried to climb into my lap.

I am grateful for green leaves, blue sky, and fluffy clouds that are actually lots of subtle shades beyond just white if you really look at them.

I am grateful for the moment when, after sitting in bright sunlight with my eyes closed, I open them and everything is shades of ***BLUE*** and so absurdly bright you'd think it would be washed out but it isn't, and it's like I suddenly arrived on a different planet with different sunlight, or changed species.

I am grateful for red mimosa trees, which also look like something from another planet.

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